* --- God, Pls Help Me --- *

Just back from one utama v mum. Today Shin also have go one utama find his god-sis. I ask him to come. I thought he and his god-sis not so close, i know they know each other more then me, but last time both also tell me both also not so close v each others. Jia Li keep aksing me leave him , last time i really think maybe she think this is good for me, but...now...i...dont think so. Today when Jia Li work break she go eat v Shin. When they back, i saw Jia Li holding Shin hand, my heart shock and pain. I dont know what i support to do. But that time they no saw me, cause i was behide of them. And that time my mum and sis all choosing shoes. So no saw Shin, if not they sure go kill him. Cause my family very very hate him.

When Shin saw me he tell Jia Li i'm there, when Jia Li turn to me i smile for her. She ask me go there and find her i dont wan. One reason is my mum there, second reason is i dont know how to face her. I saw she holding hand v Shin like a couple. And when they both looking at me, Jia Li was laying down on Shin shoulder, and Shin allowed it. Before that i was already meet Shin v myself. My mum dont know. I choose the time when they choosing shirt then i walk to find him. I hug him, but he never hug me, and i blame he now hug me also dont wan. Cause he say we not a couple, if we hug like this look like what ? I say as a friend hug also can ? He no reply.

And now when he going out v others girl, they also holding hand, and have hug , this call friend? This call promise? He say he promise he wan holding them when they come out and shopping. This i really no comment about it, but when i wan he hug me he dont wan, somemore when i hug him he turn he haed to other side. My heart broke, really so pain when i know it. I dont know what can i do anymore. Then i just laugh v him and walk away.

Now i saw i beloved friend Jia Li hold him and lay down on his shoulder in front of me, what i support to do? When i when home, i delete my friendster acc, and i wish to changes phone number and msn also. But i cant, friendster i already delete, but hp and msn cant, cause have long time ago friend in there also. Jia Li, she know i love him, why she wan do this to me? Maybe for her she was long time ago friend v him, and this is normal, cause i hear Shin last time say be4, they always hug.

I no comment about it, and i cant jealous, i keep non stop crying when i remember they holding hand and lay down on his shoulder. I very very heart broke. And i swear, this Shin already changes alot, who also can hold , hug, kiss him or even sex v him also can. I dont wan this kind of guy anymore. Really wan say bye bye this time. I...

What can i support to do...!!! I dont wan cry anymore !!! I dont wan heart pain anymore!!! Who can help me ? God , did u listen my voice? I'm sure you will listen my voice, tell me what can i do now? Tell me why Shin changes untill like this? Why Jia Li wan do that think in front of me...? Why i wan jealous? Why i still loving him so much ? I'm really sorry about that god, is me pray for you say, just he happy anything i also dont mind, but i really no think this, he happy was in front of me, and he happy will make me hurt so much. Is it this is what i support to get when i pray?

But no matter how, i still wish he can happy always, even he do sex or kiss or hug or hold more girls in front of me also nvm, i cry i sad but i will control in front of him. No matter how, he smile is all the best for me, just he happy, i dont mind at all. Even today my mum and sis all already know Shin in one utama and they keep scolding me i also dont mind. I know i'm stupid, but love is stupid. God, i pray for Shin, and all my family now. Pls help me take care all of them, and my aunt, wish she will feel more better now. God, I Love You.