--- ::: Hope So ::: ---

Well, i cant log in his friendster anymore. Cause he already changes he password. But he never tell me. I guess he dont no need or dont wan me anymore .Maybe he thought my acc already delete him or else. But my friendster acc is already be delete. I'm sure he already mistake me and angry me. But...what can i do. That day untill now, he never miss call me and sms me. He look like dont care me anymore. Maybe that day i no reply him so he dont find me anymore. But never mind, he so many girl's friend and alot people chatting v him. Have me anot also never mind.

I have buy one nice book for writing my dairy. And all inside i write the first word is his name "Yan". When i finish write his book then i just start write what i wan tell him. I scared to sms and miss call him. I scared hear he scold me again. I scared he angry me again. I scared i cant let him go anymore. So what i wan to tell him i write all in that book. One normal book also wan RM 22 leh, so expensive. But the paper really nice, this is first time i buy normal line book so expensive. My sis all say me watse money also. But....anyway, i also have bought three pen - blue, dark and red for using that book also. Especially wan XD

I damn missing Shin alot. Anything i wan ask him or tell him i write all inside. I feel so happy and hurt when i was writing. Somemore i think about last time when i was together v him, how sweet we are. So i write untill so happy. But mostly i write untill so sad...cause i keep thinking nagative. Dont know why, auto think about it.

Oh ya, and my classmate. That girl's all fighting now, really dont know why they wan be friend last time. Always argue. I know friend argue is normal, but actually all also dont like each others, all also talk each other bad thing behide them. Last time i get it, so i not so close v them, now is that girl . Really pity v her, so when i free i was talking v her. Beside, this girl last time say me bad thing untill so bad. But...Never la.

I keep alot question in my mind, but mostly is asking myself how Shin. Last time i was damn worry about him. But now i can sure he wont. Because i too understand him. But when he always ask am i really understand him? I always answer no. Not really dont understand him, is because understand that why dont wan tell. I'm sure he can take care himself anymore, no need asking him no need care him and also no need love him. Last time i told u all i saw him in one utama v his god-sis is it? Now think back, he give me the feeling was different. I no more love him much now. Abit got, so i keep writing any msg for him in that book.

Today i write awhile, i suddenly remind back what he done to me last time. He say love me but together v other girl. Somemore wan me wait untill the end i what also no get it. Between he have sex v that girl, he say is the girl ask him to sex and say that girl force him. When i say that girl cheap he was damn angry me. On that time i already know he Damn Full Love her more then love me. Last time i was very confuse it so i no think porperly, but today i think back what my god-bro tell me, he say "if one guy not really wan it, no one can force him."

Shin have tell me before, no one can force him do anything. Ya he right, when i akways forcing him he really always say cant and no. But he was tell me he having sex v that girl, first is that girl open mouth ask first. Second is she was his gf, so need have it. I really cant image it. Just keep non stop crying few month that time. Lucky now just remind back and get hurt only. Then no more. I keep telling myself why i cant forgive him ? Why i always think about it ? It already past is it?

Beside, still the same, have alot people aks me put him down also. Aks me stop loving him also. I dont know what can i do. Really dont know why everyone also wish i let him go. And also wish he let me go also. If he or me dont let each others go , others people sure will do alot thing make us broke. And now as they wish, we broke. But they still dont wan stop it, still keep continue do alot thing. I dont wan know and hear all thing about him anymore. Just let me rest more.

At the end, still same...God Pls Care and Help Him So Much. Alliluyah. Ah Men. God Bless Me.